These are 50 clever and witty ways you can imply that someone is an idiot without actually saying it out loud.
The list was inspired by an r/AskReddit thread.
Enjoy and deploy them carefully.
1. Intelligent thoughts have always followed you, but you are faster.
2. Unencumbered by the thought process.
3. Unhindered by any knowledge of the facts.
4. When it was raining brains, you had an umbrella.
5. At this point, you can only impress me.
6. I expected nothing, but I’m still disappointed.
7. Never mind, I’m sure you’re good at something.
8. I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
9. My opinion of you can only go up from here.
10. More foam than beer.
11. Having you around is like losing three good men.
12. You increse productivity because everyone else has to work harder when they’re around.
13. You aren’t the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don’t die.
14. You’re as quick as a glacier.
15. You’re about as sharp as a sock full of soup.
16. Useful as a chocolate teapot.
17. Keep them guessing, don’t open your mouth and prove them right.
18. You have different talents.
19. You’re just spare parts, aren’t you?
20. I’m guessing you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling.
21. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
22. I can explain it again, if you’d like, but I can’t understand for you.
23. He/she doesn’t have electricity on every floor.
24. The wheels spinning, but the hamsters dead.
25. If your brains were dynamite there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
26. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
27. He’s hit rock bottom, and is showing signs of starting to dig.
28. Is there no beginning to your talents?
29. I underestimated you… but not enough.
30. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
31. A little too much chlorine in your gene pool?
32. Sharp as a marble, that one.
33. If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid.
34. If you fell into a barrel of tits you’d come up sucking your own thumb.
35. You must have ironed your brain.
36. Are you professional idiot, or just a gifted amateur?
37. I wouldn’t trust you to sit the right way on the toilet seat.
38. The lights are on, but no ones in.
39. I don’t want to fight you in a battle of wits, I never attack anyone unarmed.
40. We can’t ALL afford an education.
41. I envy the people who dont know of your existance.
42. I don’t have any crayons to explain it to you.
43. I have neither the time, nor the crayons to explain this.
44. You have delusions of adequacy.
45. If he had half a clue, he’d be on the ground playing with it.
46. Considering your intelligence, what you said makes sense.
47. What are you, a rocket surgeon?
48. Good thing you’re pretty.
49. Give that man two medals, the second one if he lose the first one.
50. You’re a spherical idiot because you’re an idiot every way I look at you.